“Survivor” Winner Richard Hatch More Viral Than Zombies

Richard Hatch, winner of the first season of “Survivor,” recently revealed that he may be more potent than most zombies.
“Inside Edition” sat down with the former reality star who told them he may have fathered as many as 200 children.

While no definitive tracking numbers are available, most specialists in zombie infection we spoke with agree that this would make him more potent than your average zombie. Clem, the landscaper our neighbor’s cousin used has been studying possible outbreak infection trends from his bunker/walk in closet for years and notes Richard Hatch is spreading 4 times faster than the most generous body count attributed to any individual zombie.

Hatch told “Inside Edition” that he spent at least two years being paid professionally to do what millions of teenage boys around the world are doing for free while watching replays of Miley Cyrus’s VMA performance. “I did it for two years, about two or three times a week,” he said, where he reports he was paid $30 per donation at the Cryobank in Fairfax, Virginia.

Support groups have been set up around the continent for anyone unable to get the image of a naked Richard Hatch earning some beer money out of their minds.

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