Muppets & The Zombie Apocalypse

May is Zombie Muppet Month …. You’re right, I’m making that up. Although with so few of us left, who would know.
There are so many other topics we could choose to focus on but for some odd reason the Muppets are in my head. Maybe it’s because they are a memory from a happier time, a time of less strife, a time before the dead rose.

So forget other May events, like Mother’s Day, Cinco de Mayo, Victoria Day, Memorial Day and National School Nurse Day for our American zombie apocalypse survivors.
No, let’s keep it real and talk Muppets.
The Muppets to me are a symbol, both of the aforementioned happier times but also of how far society has fallen. That those pinnacles of creativity and imagination could be overcome was difficult for many of the survivors we have spoken with to deal with. Life without Muppets to many of the few remaining humans … that’s wordsmithing at it’s finest … is like seeing Niagra Falls without water or Vancouver without Stanley Park, P.E.I. without red heads or … Toronto. It’s just plain wrong.
But the Muppets did fall, as did the rest of humanity and so, offers this pictorial tribute to Zombie Muppets.

The Muppets, before the fall.


For decades they entertained. Singing, dancing, acting, there seemed to be nothing they couldn’t do and do it better than anyone else.
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They were at the pinnacle of super-stardom and in entertainment circles, you hadn’t made it unless they invited you to perform with them. Ceelo Green, pictured here,` once said that one night on stage with them made you feel like you had won an Oscar, Tony, Grammy and pink Cracker Jack elephant toy all wrapped up in one.
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On the surface, everything appeared to be going great. Seen here preparing a scene with actor Jason Segal, everything looked perfect.
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Behind the scenes though, it seemed egos were running rampant and a pre-zombie apocalypse Muppet … apocalypse was coming. Two key members of the Muppets saw their lives go off the rails, leading to the fiery end of the Muppets as we knew them. The first signs came from Ms. Piggy who began having run ins with paparazzo and other celebrities she felt were cramping her style.
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It seemed then, that she wanted to break out from the image she had and seemed to turn to a darker, edgier Ms. Piggy or, as she now wanted to be called; Piggy! <- with the exclamation mark.
She went from a stylish fashionista …
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To a leather and stud wearing diva. She even took to wearing an eye patch for a brief period, but rumors still abound that this was actually the result of an injury sustained from receiving a drumstick in the eye during a drunken romantic interlude with Animal behind a drum kit.
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Then came the “boudoir” pictures, the “leaked” naked selfies and more. Fans turned on her as she grew more and more desperate for attention and to cling to her fading stardom.
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Finally, with her star nearly extinguished, the money all gone and Hollywood not answering her calls, she did what many desperate celebrities did. Ms Piggy’s low came in the form of her first adult film, Farmer’s Daughter Breakfast #72.
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It seemed Piggy couldn’t sink any lower, but then came the arrests. Breaking into celebrity homes, trying to steal items that reminded her of her former glory. Taking cues from the Hollywood “Bling Ring” Piggy started her own “Ms. Thing Ring.” Eventually it all caught up and after being arrested breaking into California Governor Miley Cyrus’s lingerie storage locker Piggy was tried and sentenced for 3 years. 13 minutes into her sentence, she broke out.
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You would think this is where the story would come to an end, with Piggy! going out in a blaze of glory, fighting the police with guns firing, but surprisingly this was the first step in her recovery. Hiding out in a M.A.C. store, Piggy! began trying to disguise herself with make up. A kindly M.A.C. salesperson gave her some tips and ended up talking her into turning herself in.
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While serving her time, Piggy! became the model citizen, focusing on serving her time, developing her makeup skills and reinventing herself yet again. She took her original name back and when her time was up, she emerged from prison a new, stylish determined Ms. Piggy. People couldn’t help but notice and slowly, but surely, Ms. Piggy was back. But was it enough to get the band back together?
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The second Muppet whose issues outside the sound stage contributed to the demise of the group was Animal. The legendary drummer had it all, drumming skills, looks, personality, energy.
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It all changed one night when Animal left the group after his now infamous meltdown at a concert where, feeling upstaged by the esteemed Travis Barker of Blink 182 he snapped. Throwing one of his drums at Travis, he finished the set and then just disappeared.
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Animal turned up months later, partying with the infamous Sesame Street Posse, a group notorious for living hard, fast and on the edge. Girls, drugs, cookies, nothing was out of bounds for this group.
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But Animal was addicted to something even the SSP weren’t into. He had entered the horribly addictive world of ICE and could be found freezing himself at every opportunity. Eventually, running out of funds, evicted from his home, he wandered the streets looking for his next fix.
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Over the course of the next years, no one knew what became of Animal. He’d turned his back on every friend he had and went so far as to steal electricity, fridges or both from everyone he knew. It was then, walking through an alley to his part time job as a luffa at a bikini car wash, former friend Beaker made a shocking discovery.
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Laying on a filthy piece of carpet, iced out of his mind, was Animal. Fearing his friend wouldn’t live another day on his own, Beaker took Animal directly to Kenmore Ice Rehabilitation center to get him cleaned up.
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8 months later, Animal walked out of rehab clean, sober and thawed. Hollywood, always loving an underdog/recovery story took a chance and cast him in a movie. The X-Muppets became that years biggest film and for the sequel, Animal called up his friend and the person who probably saved his life to star in it alongside him. Another Muppet had made their comeback and the band was one step closer to a return.
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The reclusive Kermit was the final part needed for a reunion to take place, something Hollywood wanted. Reports had started to pop up world wide about some new viral infection running rampant in addition to stories of crazy people running around trying to bite each other. Paying audiences were staying indoors more and sales were down. The studios needed something to get people back and they saw their answer in the form of the Muppet Show.
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It turned out, Kermit was more than willing to make a comeback as he had been doing nothing but sitting on a log with a banjo eating flies for the last several years. To say he was bored was an understatement.
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A studio intern who had tracked Kermit down, brought him a dimple, yet brilliant gift. A box of Muppet cupcakes was all it took to get Kermit back. It touched his heart, seeing the little candy and icing cupcake toppers in the shape of his old friends and not one cupcake had a fly in it. He was sold.
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Just like that, the band was back together again. Over the next months, people came out in droves to see them perform again. It was like old times and they were on top of the world. Little did they know, they would soon be one of many contributors to it’s demise.
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Everything that happened next, happened so fast it’s hard to get the exact details right. Much of the photos and video, like everything else, have been lost since the apocalypse began. It’s believed that Dr. Bunsen Honeydew was conducting experiments to try and develop a way to grow eyes so he could finally use his glasses when he discovered that the infection spreading through the world had implications of immortality.
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It appears something went wrong and he released a form of the virus that turns humans into the undead only now, Muppets could be affected.
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Humans, Muppets, puppets, even some blow up dolls were affected and this virus spread even faster than the one that had been originally turning humans. The Swedish Chef fell early.
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With the Chef, Beaker and Dr. Honeydew all infected, the majority of other Muppets quickly succumbed to their former friends.
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Ms. Piggy, who had battled back from a life of crime and dragged herself out of the adult film industry fell next.
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Seeing his one time love turn into a zombie Muppet was too much for Kermit to bear and he took the long jump from a high building, not realizing that he had already been infected due to the virus becoming airborne.
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As for Animal, after nearly dying from his ICE addiction before finally beating it, he needed to take some time. The last anyone heard from him he was moving up here to Canada as the virus affecting Muppets had no reported cases here. Many are saying he looks different now, gaining weight, changing his hair and it’s even being reported that he’s changed his name and gone into Canadian politics at some level.
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One Muppet, however has not only managed to survive, but is thriving in this post apocalyptic zombie nightmare. He has become a leader of a small group of survivors and is leading the charge in pushing back against the hordes. Who knew what a hero Fozzy Bear would become.
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And there you have it, a brief history of what happened to the Muppets as the zombie apocalypse developed.
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